Heard in church ...

#1

Theresa has been teaching Sunday School for about 6 months now, and was curious if she's made an impact with her students. So in the upcoming class, she decided to ask the children what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Theresa pointed at a young boy in the front row. He stood up and said "Hi, I'm Dan. When I grow up to be a man, I want to join the missionaries". Theresa beamed and clapped... elated that through her The Lord managed to touch this child.

"OK, how about you?" Asked Theresa, pointing at a cute little girl in the middle row. She stood up and said "Hi, I'm Sally. When I grow up to be a lady, I want to have a baby." Theresa smiled and told the class that to be a mother was a very noble thing, and that a child is a gift from God.

Eyeing a small boy sitting in the back of the room, hiding in the corner, Theresa asked him to tell the class what he aspired to be. Slowly he stood....


Shuffled his feet...


And said...

"Hi, my name is Stan. When I grow up to be a man. I don't want to be a missionary man. I want to help Sally with her plan."



#2
Martha was a quiet woman... most of the time. However, when she's at church, she's always filled with joy. So much so, that it overfloweth.. and she will proclaim loudly "Hallelujiah! Praise the Lord!" She'll attend mass every Sunday and during the celebration of the eucharist, her euphoria will be at its peak!

Then came a day when Martha had to move to a smaller town. Which had a smaller church, which had an older priest... and a more conservative one. She managed to keep her euphoria down to a minimum, coz the priest didn't approve to the disruption of the mass.

Then came Pentecost Sunday.... when the priest started the eucharistic prayer... Martha just couldn't contain it any more... she yelled "Praise the Lord! Glory Hallelujiah!". The priest continued... and again she yelled "Praise the Lord! Amen!". The priest was really getting annoyed.

He asked the chief warden to escort her to the adjoining library. Martha went willingly. The priest gave a sigh of relief and continued with the mass..... then they heard "Glory Hallelujiah! Amen!" ... THROUGH THE WALLS. The priest was about to blow his top and asked the chief warden to tell her to keep quiet.

The chief warden went into the room and nearly immediately came out. "And so?" asked the priest. "She said she saw a map of the world, and the world is so vast. And there's a deepest trench in the world the Marianas Trench.... That is how deep her love for Christ is." explained the warden.

Martha continued worshiping the Lord loudly for the next few minutes. In the final act of desperation, the priest asked the chief warden to remove her from the church.

The chief warden, with another warden... went in and had to carry her out.

There she was on the shoulders of these two wardens.... and STILL she yelled "Glory to you Lord! Amen! Hallelujiah!".

The priest, by now was as red as a lobster boomed " Excuse me madam! Have you no shame? You are being carried out of the church.. And yet you still are so elated. Why?"

To which Martha answered "Father, I am so happy. Jesus rode on only 1 donkey... I HAVE TWO!"